Why not go ahead and forgive someone....

What is forgiveness?

Who hasn't been hurt by the actions or words of another person? Perhaps a parent constantly criticized you growing up, a colleague did something behind your back or your partner had an affair. Or just maybe you've been hurt by what someone who said something hurtful behind your back. Most of us have been hurt by someone for some reason. These wounds can leave us with lasting feelings of anger and bitterness and sometimes even vengeance. That is harsh. But, it can be reality. With that being said, if we don't learn to practice forgiveness, we might be the one who pays the biggest price. By embracing forgiveness, we can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead us down the a better road to a more physical, emotional and overall well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness means different things to different people. Generally, however, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended us might always be with us, but forgiveness can lessen its grip and help free us from the control of the person who harmed us. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. Not forgiving someone keeps us stuck and not moving forward. What other benefits do we get when we forgive someone? Well first, it can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to other healthier relationships, improved our mental health, and causes us less anxiety and stress. It can lower our blood pressure and improve our heart health. But, most important, it can improve our self-esteem. What most people don’t understand is by not forgiving someone, it gives them power over you. So, why is so easy to hold a grudge? Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness and but most of all, confusion. If we dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges can become filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility, which then can take root. If we allow negative feelings to crowd out our positive feelings, we might find ourself swallowed up by our own bitterness or sense of injustice. You have heard of the snowball effect. Well, that is what happens. We let that mind go on and on and on and the bitterness and resentments keeps on growing. Unfortunately, the hurt stays with us.

I had dinner with someone who had been hurt by someone and asked how they were doing. They explained how they had moved on and had no ill feelings! I was so impressed and excited for them. Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you're a grudge holder, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving. Not easy to change, especially as we get older and stuck in our ways, but it is possible.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness? Forgiveness is a commitment to yourself to want change. We must recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve our life and be committed to moving forward. To identify want needs healing and who needs to be forgiven is the first step. Acknowledging our emotions about the harm done to us and how they affect our behavior, and then we can work to release these negative emotions. Then, we can go ahead and choose to forgive the person who's offended us. Once we do this, we can move away from our role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our life. Sounds almost crazy. Why would we not choose to not give the power to a person that has hurt us? But, this is very very common. We all need to practice forgiveness and put that energy into being grateful. Let’s be grateful. Let’s go out and forgive someone. Let's give thanks to our family and friends and all that we care about.

Have a beautiful weekend,