Practicing self-love...

We tend to think that self-love is selfish. Self-love is so important to our own happiness and believe it or not, and to our loved ones as well. When we do not love ourselves, it is hard to love others. I was reading an article and it really made me think of what self-love represents. I agreed with most but from my very own experience, I know that the number cause for not being happy is not loving myself. I never hated myself but was always making negative comments such as why did you eat that, why did you say something so stupid, etc. This was about 12 years ago, when I realized I was the problem for my unhappiness. It was all on me. Oops, no one is to blame, but myself. I was never satisfied or good enough for myself. I continued to judge or compare myself to others. When going through my coaching certification, I found out just how hurtful negative talk is. We call it self-sabotage. It is true that we can say mean things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone, including someone we do not care for! I will save this topic for another time. So, what do I believe helped me in my journey to truly learn to love and respect myself? I put them in order in how I believed what worked for me in my own personal journey.

1. Put yourself first. This is not selfish. I promise. When we love ourselves, we can love others more easily. I have fully come to terms with this. You might love yourself but if you are in a career that you do not enjoy, it rubs off on others. It is okay to say NO. Learning to say no is sometimes hard but will get easier. Don't be so afraid of hurting someones feelings. Simply tell them you would rather not. I am not going to say it is not comfortable but will get easier. So, try to understand that by loving ourselves and doing what we love helps those we love too. Go after the dream. Learn knitting. And, if you do not want to go to the place, say no.

2. Stop comparing yourself to others. We are all unique. I will never have long thin legs. It is okay. I don’t not have to worry about my jeans ever being too short or shrinking. LOL. I will never be great at algebra! HUGE. Do not compare. Find ways to appreciate the things that have bothered you. Have thinning hair? Oh wow, it dries fast.

3. Don’t worry so much about what others say. Their opinion is their opinion. We cannot make everyone happy.

4. Get toxic people out of your life. Toxic or negative people can drain you. Keep them at a distance. If they are someone you cannot dump, such as a boss, try to use an invisible shield around yourself and not let their opinions, comments, etc. affect you personally. This is a big one that I have a lot of experience with. Do not let the hurtful words or gestures go through the invisible shield. I used this method. One of the coaches that I follow, calls this her red rope society. She puts up an imaginary red rope around her. I had someone that continued to treat me differently (actually kind of mean) and I learned to put up my shield and never let their words or gestures affect me. I began to feel sorry for them. It was them that needed to practice self-love lol.

5. Mistakes. We all make mistakes. Allow it without beating yourself up. It is okay if you screwed up. Just learn from it even if you are in your 60s. Remember, it is never too late to learn!

6. Process your fear. Allow it and get curious. I had such fear of having to retake college algebra. I would get almost sick when we had to take a test. Yes, in person class at the community college and here at 59 years old, taking college algebra, with a son that got his PhD in mathematics. Yikes, my fear would sometimes want me to just quit. I would just sit there in my seat and laugh and say, “I am still breathing”. On a good note, I ended up getting a B. Louis did help with the homework, but I was 100% responsible for the test. (I did get a couple of bad grades on tests, but the homework was always an A). Yes, my two boys and husband are very good at math and that is okay. Process your emotions by allowing them to be there and run their course. You will still be alive. I know, I have processed a lot of fear.

Something that really helped me was making a list of what I truly loved to do that makes me happy. Then, add more of those things to your life. If you love watching comedy, do it. Sometimes we do not even know.

I hope that this was valuable to you in some way. Remember, love yourself, putting yourself first, helps you love others more easily.

Have a beautiful day.