Overcoming our setbacks....sometimes better than ever!

Setbacks. They are a part of life and can occur at any moment. Despite our best intentions, life doesn’t always go according to our dreams and expectations. We all experience setbacks, both small and large, and even minor setbacks can have a dramatic negative effect on our wellbeing, if we all allow them to. Thoughts of self-doubt creep in, hopelessness can quickly settle in, and we may feel at times that we are unraveling. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There is hope, and it starts with our mindset and how we learn to cope these setbacks. I have talked about our mindset before but cannot stress how important it is to let go of the negative loops in our smart little brain of ours that keeps playing the loop over and over. There is not much use for these negative thoughts. Remember, they are just simply thoughts. Not proven facts, just thoughts. What is the best way to deal with these thoughts? First is to identify the thoughts that you are thinking that are creating bad feelings. These are little stories in our mind. Call them out! Write them down if need be. Then ask yourself as Byron Katie would do, and ask; Is this true? Can you be absolutely positively sure it is true? Where would we be without this thought? Much better off, I promise. Negative thoughts do not help when we have setbacks and they are most often not true. So, today monitor that brain of ours and see if any negative thoughts creep in and call them out. I don’t want to admit but I believe women or very emotional human beings are most susceptible to having more unproductive thoughts than others. Our minds just want to protect us and think of ways to “protect” us from fear. But, is it really helping us? Probably not. Fear is not a bad thing. Sometimes facing fear head on is a good thing.

What can we do instead of creating all these negative unneeded thoughts? Here are several ways to bounce back and become better than ever from one of these setbacks.

Embrace who you are. We are human. We want to live authentic lives. This is one of the keys to happiness. Accepting our imperfections. I am always going to have short chubby thighs. Things are not always going to work out as planned. We have a brain that can be used to find solutions instead of creating un-useful drama. As much as we want everything to go perfect and let us always be in control, we are not; no one is. Life is not perfect. We can learn from the mistakes and move on. There are going to be learning opportunities and opportunities that make us afraid. It is all okay. Being afraid is fine. Being comfortable being uncomfortable is a sign of growth. I still say to myself when afraid, push that damn start button and go (quizzes and test still make my heart pound and I want to crawl under a desk and hide)…saying push the start button out loud helps me just plow through it. It also makes me giggle before I start. Yes, I still say push the button Janie, it is all going to be okay.

Practicing gratitude. Sounds very cliché and almost silly but being grateful does help. Counting our blessings and being grateful for everything that is going well gives us positive vibes. The people, the opportunities, the experiences in our lives make us rich in itself. How about the beauty in nature.

Often, we can lose sight of what is most important-we woke up, we can breathe, we are alive! Thank you! And, we can be grateful for our setbacks. Sometimes there is a good reason. You can let them destroy you or strengthen you. Your choice. I had a set back when I thought I was choosing my time to retire. Oops, they decided for me 🤷‍♀️. Oh well, things happen! I immediately knew my brain would want to create all kinds of drama out of it. But, I did not let it happen. I threw myself into something I loved, Psychology, does that surprise you? I registered full time into school and then decided to enroll into a health-life coach school. Yes, I am grateful that I had the support to do this. My husband, frugal Louis, was very supportive. He knew how much I had enjoyed taking classes in the last 8 years. I had this desire to learn more about life instead of fashion and “things” LOL. I had taken an art class, computer class, and a psychology class. These classes were taken all at night, after work, or on Saturday and it still was fun to me. Being around much younger peeps made me laugh and learn. I believe this was part of an unknown plan for me.

Help others. It can be so rewarding for us. Setbacks are usually very self-centered. If we reach out and offer help to others, it makes us appreciate what we have and not focusing on our have nots. I find this comforting for my soul when I can make someone’s day just by offering a little help or being a little more understanding and loving.

Don’t Dwell. Move on. There is light at the end of the tunnel. When we have a setback, take a step back again, look at situation, and find a solution. Don’t use your brain for drama, make it useful. MOVE ON!

Have a wonderful day!