Let's be a little happier....

Have you ever noticed at the grocery store that sometimes the people working there are so friendly, and others hope you make the purchase and get the heck out of there! I was walking back to my car and thought how different the checkers, or the help desk can be. Why is this? Why are there some people who generally seem happier than others. If you’re not as happy as you’d like to be daily, is there anything you can do about it? That is a big question, because there has been a lot of discussion among scientists about how much of the difference between people in their overall level of happiness is a result of a genetic lottery that leads to a “set point” that people tend to return to. I know with all the psychology classes I have taken; this has come up quite often. I am amazed at how different we all view the glass of water. Is it half full or empty? Louis seems to tell me he is a realist. I sometimes call it a pessimist and which he does not like. I know that I have written a few times before on topics of happiness and attitude, but it really had me thinking. If you really investigate the science and look across studies, there is evidence that some people just are happier than others. Like a thermostat that helps keep their temperature in a room relatively comfortable, their overall attitude is even and generally happy. At the same time, there are also habits that will affect how happy people are—and there are some things you can do about it. Here are a few very GENERAL reasons why some are happier.

1. They set the right type of goals. The goals people pursue affect their long-term happiness. People are happiest when they pursue goals that connect them to other people. In the workplace, this is reflected in studies suggesting that when people see their work as connecting to a broader purpose and helping other people to achieve their goals, they’re more satisfied with their careers. And, of course, satisfaction with your work generally lifts your overall sense of well-being. We all know, if you enjoy going to work, you’re usually going to be a happier person. More generally, you can distinguish between goals that are competitive versus cooperative. A comparative goal is one where you want to see yourself do better and the people you compare yourself to do worse. A cooperative goal is one where you try to lift up your family and friends, so that success means that everyone does well. The happiest people tend to engage in a lot of cooperative goals rather than competitive ones. This allows people to celebrate their own successes, as well as the successes of the people around them. Is this so true? I know that when all my family is doing well, it makes me happy. We tend to worry about our family and friend’s problems as much as our own.

2. They accentuate the positive. This, I personally feel, it the secret sauce. Very few things are completely good or completely bad. Most experiences have some positive elements and some negative ones. A great meal at a restaurant may have started with problems finding a parking spot, or a table that was a little too close to a door. Happy people tend to focus on the positives and to let the negatives of events fade into the background. So true. Some just spend their energy on what is wrong instead of what is right! Move on. To focus on the positive elements has two benefits for well-being. First, each event is more enjoyable in the moment because the focus is on the desirable parts of what is happening rather than the undesirable parts. Second, the information you focus on is the information that stays in memory. So, when you look back on the event later, you’ll remember the positive parts of it most strongly, and that memory will also help to make you happy. I would say this is most important. If we spend our time thinking about what is wrong at a place or event, that is all we recall. So, let’s dump this negative attitude and be grateful of the good.

3. Happier people forgive others. Over the course of our life, people will do bad things to us. Even the people closest to you in your life will do selfish or mean things. One thing that happy people do well is to forgive others. The interesting thing about forgiveness is that it enables you to forget the details of what someone did that upset you in the first place. As a result, you will not be reminded of all those negatives when you see them or think about them in the future. I have a saying to myself, if I do not care for someone, stay away from them as much as possible. I try not to let them into my word! If you keep them away or out of your mind, it does so much good. The alternative to forgiveness is to hold onto the details of the bad things people have done to you in the past. The memory of social pain does not go away as quickly as the memory of physical pain, because you can regenerate feelings of anger, shame, or embarrassment just from thinking through a negative interaction with someone from the past. It’s hard to truly experience the physical pain of an injury when you think about it much later.

Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you will trust them completely in the future. There are people who are mean, selfish, or unreliable that you might choose not to spend time with or do business with anymore. Still, forgiving them for what they did will help you to move past those interactions without harboring negative feelings that can drag down your mood or your satisfaction with life.

I hope you all carry some of this with you! Having a happier attitude is so much more fun!

Have an absolutely beautiful day!