Learning to resist my urge...

Urges come in all forms. Urges might be for anything that is sweet, maybe some salty snacks, wine, cocktails, smoking, and some other activities not going to name. We never hear much about having the urge to eat carrots or go for a run. Learning to resist urges are take practice. I was having a hard time with sleeping soundly. I would keep waking up and checking the time! Not sure what was going on. So, I did some research and found that maybe it could be the glass or two of wine that I am drinking with dinner. What is comical is that I was going to do the cleansing or reset for 14 days and it called for NO coffee, wine, or dairy. I thought that might be impossible for me or impossible for Louis to live with me lol. I did commit to no wine for a least a week to check on my sleeping. At this writing, I am on day five and feel okay. My sleeping has not improved that much but I have been waking up earlier. I am now beginning to understand how the glass of wine is more of a habit than anything. This learning to resist an urge is harder than I thought. I would always say that I love the taste, which I do, however, pouring a glass of wine while cooking was definitely a habit I had formed. Habits are hard to break when they have been ingrained in your brain for so long. Noticing that primal part of my telling me, oh it cannot be the wine, it must be your workout is not hard enough. Or, it could be my bed, or maybe the news that I watch before I fall asleep. This is the most difficult part. Having your primal brain go back and forth with my prefrontal cortex! I keep telling myself that I made a commitment to cut out wine during the week, and I am sticking to it. Hell or highwater, I can do this. It feels so hard. I understand how Louis feels about his ice cream at night that he is trying to cut back on. Why has this been harder than I thought? Well, I cook almost every night and have poured a glass of wine when I am done with the prepping. Hmm, maybe a habit of 30 years, is something I should have thought about. This is going to be a bigger ordeal than I imagined. Can you believe that the urges we get from all these things only stay around for only about 15 minutes. Why does it seem like it is taking an hour?

No, I am not giving up wine. I just wanted to feel what all the talk was about urges and how hard it is to get through the first part. I wanted to find out what could be disturbing my sleep pattern and this was a suggestion. Anyway, I did some research to understand these stupid urges that keep popping up in the evening and here are a few from Psychology today. They refer to these tips as the DEADS.

Delay, Escape, Avoid, Distract, and Substitute

Delay means to just put off reacting, using, or giving in to the craving for a bit of time and know that the urge will go away. That strong emotion will go away. Even if you can delay for 5-10 minutes, that may change the experience you are having. This does work. When you have that desire, go do something like start a load of laundry and then it passes! It actually did work for me.

Escape means removing yourself from the situation that is triggering you. Leave the argument. Take a pause. Excuse yourself from the situation. Unfortunately, I cannot escape from cooking. Do you think Louis is going to volunteer? Oh, yes, we could go out but that makes it worse. I love trying new wines! I think life needs to go on. Just plan ahead.

Distract means that you can take control of the urge by getting busy. Don’t just sit there and ruminate on the urge, but put your focus on something else. For some people that may be art, for some it could be just watching TV, reading a book, walking, showering, or exercising, which can be particularly helpful.

Substitute your behavior. If you're having issues with anger, substitute in a walk as your new behavior. If you’re having issues with substance use, change your behavior so that when you get a craving to smoke a cigarette, you pick up a piece of fruit or vegetable. Although a carrot or celery stick may not give you the same effect, it still helps you take care of that habit of simply having something to put in your mouth. You could also use a toothpick or straw. The trick is to come up with something that can be easily substituted in. Don’t think I am going to tell someone who smokes to eat a carrot stick!!!! They might slap me. I do like talking a walk!

I have been using substitution so far. Each night, I pour sparkling water into a wine glass. Nope, it does not taste like wine! I am getting more adjusted to it though. I am understanding how the urges come up and how our primal brain starts messing with us. Oh Janie, red wine is good for you so just have a glass of red wine. I have also come to understand how much of these behaviors can become habits that we formed into our daily routines.

Whether we choose wine or tobacco, these tools can be useful. We all have some habit we’re trying to change and it’s never easy. Use these tools to cut back if you think you might need to. Learning to resist our urges takes practice.

As Gandhi once said,

“We cannot, in a moment, get rid of habits of a lifetime.”

So we have to remember that it’s a practice to continue to choose strategies that help us make new habits that are healthier for us and create a healthier lifestyle. Tonight, I am having a glass of wine. My favorite choice of relaxing after a long day is a glass of wine, a few crackers, and some great cheese.

I am glad I did this, it has made me more conscientious of my daily routine and daily choices. Remember, I am not looking for perfection, I am just looking to be better today than yesterday.

Have a beautiful week ❤🌸🌻