Am I buffering?

I can only laugh. Yes, I do talk to myself and what is really funny, is that I answer back! I was standing in my kitchen and pouring me a glass of wine. Do I really want this or am I buffering? No, I really want a glass of wine, oh but the class syllabus that just read through created a little bit of drama in my brain. Here is what my brain was saying:

Oh, this is a lot of stuff to do!

Will I have time for all this?

Am I going to have time to still take my trips?

This looks hard.

I thought this very last class would be easy.

Was this buffering? I am still pondering. I continued to pour the wine. Dad was sitting there with me. He was not going to enjoy a glass of wine. We were soon heading to dinner to take dad out. Dad and I had been discussing me buying new kitchen trash cans and he was helping me measure the place that they needed to fit into, and I decided to pour a glass of wine. Hmm. Trash cans, syllabus, brain drama. Sounds a little like some buffering going on…

What is buffering? Well, according to the dictionary, buffering is to lessen or moderate the impact of something. I think now that I was buffering. I usually pour a glass of wine while making dinner but not while measuring trash cans. I did not stop and truly feel my emotions. I know, that sounds a little weird, but we need to learn to simply feel the emotion and let it pass. I sat in the back seat of the car and asked myself this question. How many of us struggle with just accepting an uneasy, unpleasant emotion instead of trying to lessen the impact with a drink, cookies, ice cream, or drugs. I know I use to buffer with cheese and crackers when I would be bored. Yes, this is something that I have called out to myself and stopped. I would catch myself off a call, relaxing, and opening the pantry doors! Was I hungry? Probably not. I think I was doing this at least 3 times a day. Now, I am asking myself if I am hungry? Am I bored? Am I sad, angry, or any other emotion that I could be feeling at that moment? What we have to remember is that the wine, food, or whatever we use to buffer with only soothes the emotion for a few minutes. Now, that does not mean that I do enjoy a glass of wine, or a delicious piece of chocolate. But, if we are “buffering”, we are most likely going to make it worse. Yes, the pint of ice cream taste so good at the moment but when you sit there afterwards, we ask ourselves why? Why did I just do that?

So, next time you are indulging in something, ask yourself, is this what I really want? Am I hungry? Do I really feel like relaxing and enjoying this wine? If you think you are not and trying to make yourself feel better because of an emotion, just give yourself ten minutes to feel it in your body. It usually just passes through….and then sit there and smile and said I got this.

Hope you have a great day!